How we bash thee
by Yamachanis myman
Summary: Rex isn't very happy with the person his yami (Raine) is dating. So he decides to follow them when they go out... and what started as innocent spying will turn into madness. It's a funny fic Plz R&R[One-shot][dedicated to: Yami No Ryuzaki] Poor Rexy......


Faith: Erm…I couldn't think of a title…but I did think of the fic! And today I have a co-host! An odd one…and slightly angry too…

Weevil: slightly? More like-

Faith: yes, that's nice. Now anyways-

Weevil: I was talkin-

Faith: no one cares. Let's get on with the fic!

Espa: and rev-

Faith: idiot that goes at the END!

Espa: meh who the hell cares?

Faith: * glare * …you want me to make this a rex/raine?

Espa: dear lord, NO!

Faith: then I advise you to shut your trap!

Espa: * mumbles * 

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yugioh. Kazuko Takashi or whatever his name is I can never remember does. I don't own Raine. She owns herself. She's a good mate though ^_^ She inspired me to do this! YAY ^o^ anyways…

~*~

Flip. Flip. Flip. Flip. Flip. Drop. Flip. Flip. Flip. 

  Normally, this would be the sound of Jackie Chan doing practicing some stunts for his newest action-packed movie. 

But not today, and not right now…

Nope. Right now, it was the sound of the young Rex Raptor flipping through all the TV channels, and dropping the remote because his hand had gotten sweaty. Not to worry, though. He had continued the flipping-cycle.

   _I wonder what Raine's doing…_he thought silently to himself. He glanced at the clock with his brown eyes. 7:30 pm. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could run and catch the 8 o' clock movie. There was, obviously, nothing on the Television that was worth rotting your brain for. 

He put the remote on the nearest table, and fixed his lop-sided beanie-hat over his purple bangs. As he got up off his squishy armchair, he called for his Yami. "RAINE!!" 

  From somewhere far away and over the…no not hills…living room, there came the feminine voice drifting through the house and nestling itself in the ears of anyone around to hear. "Yes?"

Rex scrunched his nose. He expected more than a 'yes'. He wanted a 'what? Oh sure I'd love to go to the movies with you, my hikari!' A simple 'yes' wouldn't suffice. He decided to go visit her, not that she lived very far. They _did_, after all, share a room. 

 He walked across his blue and black carpet. The blue was the carpet color; the black was the result from Rex's ability to spill drinks and such things. His socks slid across the carpet, and, anyone who has taken science would know what happens when you touch a metal doorknob while sliding along a carpet (with little rainbow socks on), and especially without knocking first…

"Ouch!" the brunette cried as he got a slight shock. "Damn doorknobs…" He didn't know that small incident was only the first thing to happen on this …shall we say… 'memorable' day.

He tested the knob again, poking it with his little fingers, so as to see if any shocks were due to come his way. When he decided it was safe, he entered. There was his yami, Raine, standing there. She looked ready to go somewhere. "Where are _you_ going?" He blurted out before he could even think about it. She didn't answer right away. She gave him a small chuckle first, and then preceded to answer his question.

"Out, of course." 

" …but…I didn't know you had plans…I mean...why didn't you tell me?" He frowned.

"Rex…you never remember anything."

" That is not true!" S'matter of fact, that was true. He never did remember anything.

Her chocolate brown eyes fluttered a little as she sighed and decided it best not to argue. She glanced over at the clock and wondered what could've been keeping him so long. "Where is he?" She whispered to herself. But Rex heard.

   How he heard was a mystery seeing as how his ears were always covered by messy brown hair, and then topped off with a hat. Not to mention the gates of earwax in there. But let's spare the details and move on.

"Who? Who're you going out with?" To him, he didn't sound desperate to know, he thought he was being innocent in asking these questions. But everyone else knew there was nothing innocent about it.

Raine wondered whether she should tell him or not. Rex had a habit of getting angry a little too quickly and she knew he wouldn't be ecstatic about her date. Although, if Rex _really_ wanted to know…he had the right. And if she didn't, Rex could just hammer himself into her brain and find out anyways. So there was no harm in telling…

"Espa." 

"……… Who?"

"Espa."

"WHO?" he bellowed loudly.

"Espa. Espa Roba! Rex, do you have some kind of hearing problem?" She was slightly frustrated being asked again and again. She didn't have speech problems. She could talk very clearly. On the contrary, Rex was the one with problems.

"How could you?!"

She gave him a perplexed look. "How could I what?"

"Go out with Espa! How can you _do_ such a thing?"

She laughed. "It's easy. First, he picks me up. Then, we go for a movie and what-not, when it's over, we go out for some dinner, and as simple as all that was, he brings me home."

Rex face-faulted. "That's not what I meant. I mean-"

   But what he meant, no one may ever know. Just like no one knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. But the reason for not knowing how many licks it takes isn't because Espa pulled over into the driveway and beeped the horn loudly, waiting for his date to come out, that, my friends, is the reason why we'll never know what Rex meant. 

They both jumped up and held their ears until the sound died out. When it did finally leave, there was a knock on the door and Rex clenched his teeth. It was apparent that Rex wasn't going to open the door and let his yami go, or let the aqua-haired boy inside; so Raine had to go open it herself. She opened the door and a bunch of roses greeted her and Espa's voice floated through them. "Hey Raine." 

   Raine graciously accepted his gift and told him she'd be right back as soon as she put them in water. Then they'd be set to go.

Espa nodded silently, and waited for her, while leaning against the door. "How ya doin Raptor?" he said with a slight sneer, clearly seeing the expression on Rex's face. "Who said you could take my yami out on a date?" Espa was taken aback, but just a bit. He regained his face, and spoke again, his arms crossed at his chest. "_I _don't _need_ permission from anyone. And Raine's the one going out, not you. She _can_ decide for herself."

 Rex gave him his best glare, but Espa stood unfazed. He was, clearly, enjoying seeing the dinosaur duelist struggling to get his emotions straight. True, Rex couldn't decide whether to be angry, jealous, or whether he should just ignore it.

   What did he care if his other half went out? And went out with Espa for that matter? He didn't care because he liked Raine (or so he convinced himself to believe so). He just didn't want her going out with such a … such a…JERK. 

"All right!" Raine bounced back in. "Come on, let's go." Excitement was evident in her voice.

  "Great." Espa gave her a warm smile, which lit his face. He was wearing his regular clothes, but they looked cleaner and nicer. He looked rather cute in them. Or hot. Take your pick. Raine gave her light a small hug before leaving. "Lighten up, Rexy." She said simply before walking out after Espa who was already in the car, smiling at her…waiting. She was just about to close the door, when she looked back at him. She frowned a little.

   Rex Raptor had a smirk on his face. She knew this smirk. She _recognized_ this smirk. She knew this was the smirk Rex held before he did something…detestable. She gave him a stern look. "Rex Raptor…don't try…anything. I'm serious. I want this house in one piece when I'm back." Rex didn't reply but gave a small nod. Raine closed the door and it clicked, signaling that she had locked it. 

  She headed over to the driveway towards her boyfriend's car. He got out and opened the door for her. He saw her outfit. "Did I ever tell you how gorgeous you are?" he said while grinning at her; she was wearing her long green trench coat, a black shirt, and blue jeans. And cute glasses outlined her brown eyes. Espa wasn't lying about her gorgeous-ness. She was different than other girls. She didn't need them bust showing, hip hugging, butt outlining clothes. She looked graceful as she was and Espa was glad to have a girl who cared more than to look like Britney Spears or Shakira. And she looked better than both those 'we think we're all that' pop stars to boot.

  She giggled. "You might have…" She winked. "You can say it some more though… I don't mind." Espa laughed. "All right. Why not? It's all true, anyways." The engine roared to life and they drove off, Espa having a double job: driving, and complimenting.

Rex peeked through a gap in the curtains and saw them head towards the cinema. He still wore his smirk. "The house will be in one piece…it's just Espa who might not be…" He chortled to himself, while grabbing his jacket and walking to the same place a certain couple were having their date.

~*~At the movies~*~

   It didn't take long to reach the Cinema, seeing as how it was only a few blocks. Espa and Raine were deciding on what movie to see. She wanted to see that, he wanted to see this. It was rather difficult to decide on what they were going to spend 2 hours, maybe more, watching. Then, while the 17-year-old Aqua-haired boy looked at all the posters, he noticed one particularly small one. When a poster is small land in the corner, it means the movie just plain sucks. But there was a catch. You got free popcorn and a free soda if you went and strained your eyes at this piece of crap movie.

      Now, usually, Espa wasn't a cheap-ass. But seeing as how they couldn't decide on a movie, and that he could save a few bucks, he decided to ask Raine her opinion. 

"Raine, how about this one?" He pointed to the same poster he saw.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "…I really thought you had better taste than that."

Espa gave her a small smile. "It comes with free popcorn and a free drink. Besides…" his smile changed into a playful grin. "We're going to be in the back seats…we won't be concentrating _much_ on the movie." Raine blushed a little, but laughed along with him. They decided 'what the heck' and went to the Box office to buy their tickets, and the snack bar to get their free snacks.

 Unknown to them, a certain dinosaur-lover was watching them. Spying, more like. And I don't mean Alan Grant from Jurassic Park. He's still stuck on Isla Sorna running away from the flying Pterodactyls.

   Now, Rex…you have to give him credit. He did hide and managed to go this far w/ out anyone noticing him. But, of course, this is REX we're talking about. Somewhere in this great plan of his, he had screwed up._ But _he did get into the theatre w/ out even having to pay. It's how he accomplished that which is amusing.

Rex couldn't risk anyone seeing him. Especially not the movie ushers. He peeked through the lid and saw them checking people's tickets and directing them to the theatres where they were to fulfill their destiny for tonight. He would wait for the lobby to be emptied, and then he's sneak off towards the direction his yami and that jerk went off in.

He held his breathe. _Out of all the places to hide…_

  Yes… It was smelly, it was dirty, it was cramped, it was rotten, it was all these things, but it was genius! It was the trashcan right outside theatre number 4! Would anyone look there to see if a teen was spying? Would anyone even consider that someone who was trying to sneak in would use a garbage can to do it? Nope. That's what made it brilliant…and yet…that's also what made it utterly disgusting.

And, because there is _so_ much irony in the world, a little kid had dropped his ice cream cone. At first, it doesn't seem the thing to be worried about. There are hundreds of kids who drop their ice cream cones everyday and then cry about it, and get another one. But, the ice cream does have an important role in it. 

Rex peeked again through the lid, trying to see if the coast was clear. He saw an elderly mother leaning over a little boy who was leaning over a little brown lump on the floor. He caught some of their conversation.

"Please gran? Please! It…it…it wasn't me fault! It slipped and I couldn't…wahhh!" The child began to cry. It was as if he had lost a best friend…or an ice cream cone.

"I had told you," his grandmother started to say, "to be careful. Well, let's clean up this mess before the workers come to yell at us for wreaking havoc and messing up their workplace." She picked up the cone with her hand and then, with a piece of paper she scooped up the rest of the cold substance. There were some streaks on the floor, suggesting that something had been dropped, but that's what janitors were for right? She walked over to where our little rexy hid and he gave a small yelp as something cold and wet fell on his face and slid down his back.

   If he hadn't been so worried as to how dirty he looked and felt, he would've screamed at the amount of the frozen solid-turning-to-liquid running down his back and sticking to his shirt.

"Oh no…" He moaned while trying to wipe the stuff off him.

Raine held the box of popcorn in her hand and her date was holding the free drink. The movie was boring, pathetic, shit, stupid, plot-less…it just plain sucked. Both tried to pretend they were interested in the movie. Yeah right. The only things…or people…they were interested in were each other. 

   Espa looked over at her. She wasn't eating any of the butter topped junk, but just looking, perplexed at how a movie could be so idiotic, at the huge screen. Even though it was dark, he could see her features perfectly. Her chocolate brown eyes that made you melt when she smiled. Her brown hair…with the purple bangs, just like her hikari, but he wasn't interested in Rex, he liked Raine. 

She turned her head to the side to see Espa plainly staring at her. She blushed and averted her eyes back to the screen. He gave a small chuckle. He caught that. Even in this shadows of the theatre, he could see a small pink-ish tinge on her cheeks.

  He made his move. He lifted his hand up to her cheek and gently touched it. It felt warm. Probably because she was turning red again, but we can only guess. By now, she had noticed someone was touching her face and she slowly turned to face him. Their face inches apart, they both smiled. Espa leaned in to move his lips over hers. Sometimes, people miss, but he didn't. It was well co-ordinated. 

For a while they sat, glued to each other. And, eventually, they got bored of it. Who doesn't like a little fun? 

  As they turned around in their seats, to get comfortable, the box of popcorn had slipped. Espa now realized that he still held the soda in his other hand, so he put it in the empty seat next to him. It isn't a miracle how they accomplished all this with out even breaking away for one second out of their lip-lock.

 Espa's hands seemed to know what they were doing. They moved from her face down to her waist, gently. It tickled her a little, but her mouth was busy so she couldn't laugh, or even giggle. 

Her smooth fingers went past the 17 year old's face and up into his blue-ish green-ish hair. She ruffled it up, but Espa didn't seem to mind. He wasn't a hair freak, unlike Yugi Motou who spent 22 hours working on his hair. They both enjoyed each other's company while the movie played on. Their tongues intertwining to the music from the film. (Odd how the movie sucked, but the music was cool…) If Rex was here…what would he say…

   While Raine and Espa were …lets call it kissing… in the back seats (their popcorn was neatly disarranged under the seats and the sodas were sitting on nearby empty chairs) and while Rex was scolding himself for hiding in this specific trash receptacle when there were so many others to choose from, a girl watching some gory movie ran out of theatre number one, followed by a young man, who was either her boyfriend or brother or something like that. He was holding a paper bag and yelling after her to wait up. Some noises were heard and it's best _not_ to know what half those noises were. (Hint hint!!) But one of them sounded like a dying animal. But it wasn't, thank god. It was a teenage girl puking her guts out in a paper bag the young lad had lent her. 

   Meanwhile, in the cursed trashcan, our young explorer had given up the task of getting clean. He was in a rotten fish infested place. How is clean even possible in a place like that? But he reminded himself that it was only ice cream. All he had to do was to take a shower when he got home, and he'd be okay. But he wasn't going to be okay for the 'vomit' girl that most had thought would have nothing to do with Rex, would soon be playing her role in the game we all call 'life'.

"You're all right Chanelle…" A deep voice asked the girl known as Chanelle.

"Yes," she coughed. "Yes. I'm all right. Thanks Danny." She smiled at him.

Danny grabbed the bag…that vile bag…and looked around for somewhere to throw it. The nearest garbage can was being cleaned out so he couldn't drop it there. He didn't want it to get dirty as soon as it had been cleaned. That would be unfair to the trashcan. No. He decided to dump it right at the very trashcan he had seen some old lady throw her junk in. 

  Rex stayed silent and listened for anyone's voice or footsteps. He didn't hear any, so he decided to finally leave this place. It was only fit for flies and ants, and the occasional seagull. But the lid opened once again and a brown bag dropped down on him. It all happened so quickly he didn't know what had hit him, until he smelled it.

"Oh no. no no no no no no no no no NO!!!"

Poor Raptor. Poor Poor Raptor. Was this his punishment for spying? He was just trying to protect his yami and he got this in return: a bag full of human puke. No, things weren't going like he planned.

And, to make matters worse, someone had heard him yelling and came to investigate why there was a talking trashcan at the Cinema. He opened the lid and gasped in shock. 

"What are you _doing_?!" he cried at the boy!

"…I was…uh…you see…" Mr. Smart didn't know how to explain why he was in here. He looked around, desperate to find something to help him and his eyes fell on some rotten nachos someone had thrown in here. He had an idea. 

"WELL?" the usher yelled. Many passerbies's stared at him, wondering why the hell he was talking to junk. 

"I was…I lost my bowl of Nachos, sir. I simply came in here to get them back. That's all."

The usher, at this point, turned red. "But…why…OH!" he ran off. The poor soul. He had probably lost his mind, and now his sense of smell. But who cared? Not our little Rexy, obviously.

The first thing Rex did was run to the little dino's room and get as cleaned up as he could. Then he came out and saw that there was no one around really, except for the snack guy. And, being in his condition, no one wanted to go near him. He ran to the theatre that Raine and Espa were in and then smacked his forehead. Right now, they were just giving the closing credits, but the theatre was still dark. He scanned the seats, looking for any sign of the people he was pursuing. 

"OH! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND THOSE DAMN TWO WITH NO LIGHTS?!"

He didn't know, and no one sane did either, why there were so many people at this particular movie. But it was because of the free food. They all quieted him. "HEY SHUT UP OVER THERE!"

"WHAT? MAKE ME!"

"SHHHHH!!!"

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL COMPLAINING! THOSE ARE JUST THE CREDITS!"

Raine and Espa looked up. Raine thought she knew the voice, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. "What's going on?" she asked innocently, as Espa moved his lips away from her neck to properly hear what she was saying. "I dunno. Seems like some kid just walked and started to bitch at stuff…" There was a small silence, until both of them realized the movie had ended. "Um…" they said in unison, then broke out into silent laughter. "Let's go eat. I'm really hungry." 

The spirit of the Millennium magnifying glass nodded. "Yeah…me too." Espa held her hand and they both walked out, carefully avoiding the noise of the people fighting on the floor.

~*~At dinner~*~

  One word would describe this restaurant… but we don't know what that word is. In laymen's terms it would be called 'expensive'. And, as a matter of fact, it was expensive. "Whoa…" Raine commented looking around the huge, palace-like, decorated vicinity. Espa smirked. "Nice huh?"

"Nice?" she echoed. "It's beautiful…but…how did you …I mean…well…" She didn't know how to put it in words. She didn't want to call him cheap, because he wasn't, but still… this was the kind if place people like Seto-Kaiba held dinner parties at. 

   Espa didn't need for her to say it. He knew her well, better than almost anyone, maybe even better than her own half!

"It's 'k, Raine. Nothing's too pricey for you…" he grasped her hand tightly.

She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder, as their waiter directed them to the table they would be at.

Rex walked out of the movies and took out a little notepad. He added the cinema to his list pf places he had been kicked out of. He sighed. This was not a fine night for him. For once, he got bloodied up so bad he couldn't see out his left eye. His trousers were ripped and his jacket was torn. He smelled like guts, ice cream, and rotten nachos and cheese. Ahh… the essence of Rex Raptor. One day it might become a store-bought perfume, but right now, it was unwanted and unwelcome in the streets of domino. 

  His plan wasn't going well. He didn't know what Restaurant they were going to/in. Maybe he should just head back home… yes, that seemed the smartest thing to do. And he wasn't a _complete_ idiot. He knew when to quit. But, he had taken so many lefts and rights and twists and turns to avoid people throwing more shit at him since he looked like a walking dumpster, that he didn't know where the hell he was right now.

Rex started to cry. No…not because he was lost; because his stench stung his eyes. 

Mr. Roba, more commonly known as Espa, pulled the chair out so that his girlfriend could sit down. After he made sure she was comfortable, he went and sat down in his own seat. For a few minutes, they both looked at their menus, deciding what they wanted to eat. Espa winced a little at the price, but that went unnoticed by the spirit because his face was hidden behind the menu. It didn't matter to him though; it was all worth it just to see her smile and just to be in her company.

The waiter came by, they ordered, and they waited. Nothing interesting happened in those 2 minutes except for the waiter trying to be funny and cracking jokes…but that's not even worth telling. His joked suck, just like the previous movie, just like Espa's vacuum cleaner.

   Raine and Espa talked of many things, and of cabbages and kings… okay maybe they didn't talk about royalty (except maybe when Espa called her his Queen…) or vegetables. But how could you help but smile and the perfect couple? They got along so well, and cared for each other a great deal. A great deal. That's 2 'a great deal's. 

 He looked down just for a second, maybe to check his reflection in the spoon and he noticed her hand in the middle of the table; practically calling his name. 

    _Espa… Espa… Espa…. hold me… hold me… tightly… _

That's what her hand was saying to his hand. Espa knew hand language it's best not to argue. He moved his hand over, while laughing heartily at a funny joke Raine had just made. When they did touch, it wasn't something odd. I mean, of course, their feelings rushed through the touch, but they had held hands, kissed, made out many times. But this had certain meaning to it! Its not explainable…but it has feelings. Trust me on this.  "Raine…" 

She blinked a little coming out from her trance. "Yes?"

"…I…well…" He didn't have words. So what's the next best thing?

…No, GET THOSE DIRTY THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR HEAD!

He kissed her. Smooched her. Lip-locked with her…take your pick, there's many more. So many in fact, that the waiter had got tired of waiting for them to break apart so that he could take their order. Anyways so what's the word I was looking for? Oh yes.

Sweet.

   Wish we could call Rex sweet. Kind of hard when the only thing attracted to him at the moment were flies. 

After an hour of walking, and talking, and eating and juicy-wait a minute…oops. Sorry Raine and Espa were doing that juicy stuff. Rex was doing the rest. Anyways, he found himself on his street. He could've screamed out of sheer happiness but he didn't want to yell. Last time he did it got him into trouble, and he didn't want to attract attention.

 While turning the corner, he saw 2 lights. White lights. Bright white lights. They belong to a car. Espa Roba's car. 

Oh shit…he was in deep doo-doo now.

  HE ran through backyards and grass and trees and thorns and bushes to hurry and get to his back door. As he got to his humble home, which couldn't have looked prettier at the moment, the truth dawned on him.

He didn't have a back door. But he had a front door. It was dark…if he could hurry he might be able to sneak in. 

He crawled on all fours across the pavement and reached his destination. HE fumbled with the lock, but at last something had gone right. He managed to sneak in undetected. 

 He looked out the window and gasped. There were 2 figures out on his porch…doing…something…he couldn't "make out". That should be evident as to what our famous couple were doing. (It was more than a goodnight kiss I can tell you that!) _Now_ he knew why he had gotten in without them noticing…well for the first time, he didn't complain. He took a deep intake of air, hoping to let it out in a relieved sigh, but he wasn't relieved. On the contrary, he just inhaled his smell. It reminded him he needed a bath.

"I am never ever spying again… _ever_…again." 

Click. Slam.

Rex jumped while Raine walked in with a dreamy expression on her face. Then she took note of her lovely yami and stared. "…REX!"

"Hi." He mumbled. "How was your date?"

She regained her smile. "It was great…except for that one part in the movies where someone started to yell…that was pretty bothersome. But other than that, it was perfect."

Rex mumbled something again.

"Um, Rex…can I ask you something… and I want the truth."

Rex gave a small yelp. If she found out where he was while she was out… he shuddered. He didn't want to think about it.

"Y-yes?" he stuttered, no matter how much he tried not to.

"Why do you look like you've been causing fights at the local dump?"

 "…ARGH!!!!" he ran off to hit the showers.

She blinked, but then redeemed her normal posture and headed off to bed thinking of the next night. She had another date with Espa… oh how fun it is to bash the male Raptor.

~*~

Rex: must…kill…author…ess

Faith: its one word u plumb idiot!

Rex: …authoress…there, happy?

Faith: much

Espa: NOW can I say it?

Faith: sure.

Espa: it.

Faith: …

Espa: …oops. I mean 'Review'.

Faith: the idiots I cam stuck with…

Weevil: yeah I always knew Kaiba was a bast-

Faith: WHAT ABOUT SETO?!

Weevil: erk…he's…

Espa: shit…run run run! * Runs *

Weevil: why should I- * clonk * x_X

Faith: * anime fangs * ANYONE ELSE?!


End file.
